Am I pregnant?

 

Called for a 17yr old, 37 week gestation

Patient will be walking outside waiting for EMS

 

Expectant mothers waiting outside are never a good sign.

We arrive on site, and as advertised, is the expectant mom pacing back and forth.

Do you feel the need to push?

I don't know

Has your water broke?

I don't know

Are you pregnant? (I couldn't help it)

Then she looks at me like I'm the stupidest person on earth.

Do you know why we were called here?

No answer.

Finally, the mom's mom answers some of the questions.

Will I get a stork pin?......I don't know

 

Kids shouldn't be having kids.

Hunting Tally

 

3 windows

1 door

1 Ford truck

1 hydro pole

Various road signs

Too many trees to count

0 people

0 Moose

0 Ducks

Situation Normal

Called for a 40 year old having a seizure.
Arrive to find a party going on in full swing, the middle of the afternoon.
Of course, everyone is very helpful.
We manage to clear some room around the patient and begin to access him.
He is known to EMS as one who is very combative when he starts to come around.
We put in a call to the Band Constables but they won't come.
He is laying in a chair with a glazed look in his eyes.
Now is the time to grab a quick set of vitals.
Too late, he all of a sudden gets a horrified look in his eyes and starts swinging.
He has a forearm cast which makes quite a formidable weapon.
We start dancing around the living room and he then decides that we are going outside.
He is about my size but still too intoxicated to really take me on.
We go out to the porch and he decides that he is going to escape the evil that has befallen him.
So off we go across the yard.
As he reaches the boundary, I grab him and steer him back across the yard.
My goal was to play him out until I could gain his trust.
There is a heavily trafficked road near by and I am worried that he will run out to it to get away.
After a few laps, he has had enough of my interference so decides to stand and fight.
I end up sitting on him, out in the yard, him swinging his one good arm and the cast at me.
I look up just in time to see a RCMP truck going by.
The officers just wave at me and keep going.
Like this happens every day.
Its normal for a Paramedic to be sitting on a patient out in the yard.
My partner had placed a call into the RCMP for help about ten minutes prior so they do finally get the call and respond.
By this time the patient is sitting calmly in the back of the ambulance letting us do a full assessment.
The officers are very cordial and tell us to call them anytime that we may need them, no problem.
OK, thanks guys, we're under control, but thanks for coming.

Northern Triage

Hypothetically of course.

 

On a call with a male after a two week drinking binge.

He's not feeling very good.

Call comes in, Adult bit by a dog, bleeding badly.

Stabilize the boozer and respond to dog bite.

Yep, in fact it is bleeding quite badly, many wounds.

Call comes in, female screaming and crying on phone, can only make out the name.

Stop bleeding of dog bite, have bystander apply pressure and respond to new screaming caller.

Get there, domestic battle in progress, stop the fight, load victim,

pick up dog bite on the way to the clinic 

and then phone the boozer.

Boozer has passed out in his usual chair, family just wants to go to bed but will keep an eye on him.

Radio rings, seizure, come quick.

And so it goes.

 

Hypothetically of course.

I have a headache, I think

Caller "she doesn't feel well, you better come" click
Are you in pain?
No
What is wrong?
I don't feel right, my head is going to explode.
Do you have a headache?
No
Is there pressure in your head?
No
Tell me how you feel.
I feel funny all over. I went to the clinic after school but didn't feel well enough to wait to be seen.
Would you like us to take you in now?
No, the ambulance is too showy, my sister will drive me.
OK, give this list of your vitals to the nurse, we'll call ahead and talk to them.

Needless to say, we told the clinic exactly what we heard, saw and found.
I wonder if she'll feel well enough to wait and be seen tonight?

A teacher should know better than to waste the government's money.

It always happens when.....

Call to 40+ year old writhing with upper abdo pain.

Have you fallen?

No

Did you get hit?

No

When did the pain start?

After supper.

What did you eat?

Duck soup, it always hurts after duck soup.

 

Ok everybody, say it with me,

"Stop eating Duck Soup!"

Really, Really, Green Charlie Three

The Basics:

Green is stable, Orange not so stable, Red unresponsive.

Charlie is conscious, Uniform is unconscious.

Three is trauma, Five is medical

So Really, Really, Stable ,conscious, trauma

 

Call received from the nursing station to go to the school.

12 year old girl went to open the door with her foot and her nail bent back.

When we get there, she is totally embarrassed by all the attention and really shy.

Someone had already put a band aid on the injury, so what to do?

I know, throw her on the stretcher, hang a 1 litre bag of saline, run the drip set under the blanket, bandage her head in gauze, put the O2 sensor, bp cuff, accutest.... in plain sight, blanket her so that only her eyes are showing and leave lights a flashing.

Once we were under way I peeled back the blanket and was met by a huge grin.

 

Ok, stage two, to pay back nurse that called us, we fly into the emerg parking lot but are met by a new nurse and nearly gave her a cardiac. OOps! Just kidding, where is so and so?

 

Ok, stage three, lets scare the folks. (patient's idea not mine) Problem was, grandma knew me from a past prank and busted us. She tried not to but was grinning so wide that I thought her head would hinge back and fall off.

 

So, seven calls since 0830hrs, now for some food and maybe even a nap.

 

No Dogs Allowed

I got it in writing.

No more encouraging dogs around the base.

Apparently, one of the pack growled at the big boss.

What was he doing that would cause them to growl you ask?

Anyway, as soon as I got here I addressed the situation.

This time, I growled " I'm to let the dogs starve while showing compassion for my patients?"

 

Anyway, Chico came to say Hi last night just hours after my arrival.

I made him a bed in the ambulance bay because its so cold and rainy. The main door is stuck open.

And I asked for a raise.

 

Back to work

Well, holidays are over, just got back up here yesterday afternoon.

One day late. I broke down half way, the alternator quit.

A good Samaritan stopped and helped charge my battery so that I could limp into the next town.

Thanks Evan

Luckily, could still get the parts shipped up by bus overnight.

The first motel that I went to was closed for the holiday weekend, go figure.

The next, after some cajoling had a room ($125/night) but no water.

The restaurant was also closed for the holiday weekend.

There was a restaurant run by a Korean family that was open.

They had Chinese Specials, 1,2,5,6.

An American customer came in and was about to order.

Where is three and four? (Southern accent)

No three and four. (Asian accent)

Why don't you name five and six, three and four? (Southern accent)

No three and four.(Asian accent)

I understand, but you could just change the numbers.(Southern accent)

No numba three and four.(Asian accent)

He just wasn't getting it.

Being a frugal business woman, it was more practical to just use the numbers that she had.

 

Its cold and rainy, a really beautiful fall day.